Okay, I admit it. I was nervous about the IUD post going up, and ever since then I have struggled with the impulse to post a lot to bump it down the front page. The post garnered a lot of page views fast (yeah, I'm totes watching you guys) but dang was it scary to publish. I was actually forced to post it early because I hit the "publish" button instead of the "save draft" button and caught the mistake a bit too late to take it back. Instead of freaking out I took a deep breath and concluded it was the universe giving me a gentle nudge in the publishing direction.
Blogging and boundaries is a topic never ceases to fascinate me. On the one hand, it would be very easy to pour my soul into this blog. Letters to the world. I love writing letters and sharing secrets and telling stories. On the other hand, privacy WHAT. As I was growing up I hoarded privacy and put significant energy into controlling who knew what. Slowly I have opened up, thanks to five years in an liberal college environment, yet I still tend to become hostile when I learn unintended people have learned something I meant for private ears only. And my wee blog on teh internets? Why, it is open to EVERYBODY. How bloody terrifying is that? VERY. Mean, judgmental people are out there!! Instead of hyperventilating, I try to look at the flipside: How friggen awesome is that? VERY. Friends and besties and social connections ahoy!
The ironic thing is the blogs I love the best are the ones that bear all. Joys, fears, pain, challenges, laughter, advice. As a reader there is nothing I like more than feeling I am a best friend the author is imparting secrets to. I devour archives and life stories. I swear I'm not a stalker, but I do sometimes feel like a creeper who should occasionally send out an email saying "HI THERE. I read all your secrets. In exchange, a list of my secrets is attached. Kthxbai."
So here I am, trying to strike a balance. Trying to be respectful of my friends and family and employers that might not want their stories shared while being true to my own. Trying to follow my intuition and write soulful posts I would really like as a reader, even when they take courage and personal pep talks to post. Trying not to be a perfectionist and edit my archives to erase or update my story. Trying not to make this blog into something it's not or somebody else's vision.
So here's to future blog posts and the archives of the past: may I be a writer who is brave and coherent enough to tell a story that contributes to the blogging world and seeks to repay the joy I have reaped for so many years.